What's the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
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What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.
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Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
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Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
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Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
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A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18
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Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mom.
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How do you know when you're really ugly? Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
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How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life? When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
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If Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
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What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts? Her navel.
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What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? Bingo machine.
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What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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Why did God create alcohol? So ugly people could have sex, too.
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"
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What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
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Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
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Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong.
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What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment.
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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.
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What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm? A pimp.
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Why do drivers education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
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What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo? A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe.
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What's the Cuban National Anthem? Row, row, row your boat.
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What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale? A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."
Quick Jokes
Re: Quick Jokes
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm? A pimp.
Or just Ray. That's what we call him.
Or just Ray. That's what we call him.
Re: Quick Jokes
lol..not too shabby there, panterra.
Re: Quick Jokes
I must say.. I got a good laff from some of those..