Just some quick funnies [Archive] - ForumsHQ

[Xetox]

1.) Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.



2.) I live in my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.



3.) I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,

"Implants?"



4.) I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just

standing up really fast.



5.) Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."



6.) The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.



7.) Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.



8.) I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.



9.) If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?



10.) I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get

elected.



11.) The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no

trade-in value.



12.) There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and the witch.



13.) If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes,

make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now

THAT'S a message!!



14.) Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.



15.) I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.



16.) I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been giving

me lately!



17.) Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days

I've stayed alive.



18.) Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.



19.) If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead

rabbits on the highway?



20.) How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50

for Miss America?



21.) Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?



22.) The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage

disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.



23.) Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.



24.) Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:

"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"