Letter [Archive] - ForumsHQ

[Tristian]

Dear Cocklin,

I'm looking for some advice, here's the scenario. Best friend tells you said girl sucks and you should stay away from her, he then goes behind your back and starts fucking around with her. This is after you were trying to get with her too, now it's harder to get with her cause he is with her. Now he's talking shit and saying that I'm making things into a competition for the girl because I told her that he was talking shit about her. First thought is to just punch friend in face and end problem there. Then I remember "Bro's before Ho's" and then I re-remember that he fucked me over first. So, any ideas on what to do other than A) punching him or B) Breaking into his car, unbolting his driver seat and then rebolting it back in facing the opposite direction...?

Signed,

A girl-less friendless guy.

Dear Girl-less Friendless guy,

Bro's before ho's???? This guy obvioulsy isn't your bro. Fuck that man, chics love competition. Since he went behind your back, do the same thing. Get her wasted and bang her brains out. Then tell your boy about it. Then when he dumps her for cheating on him and tries to come to you, tell her to go fuck herself. Then call up your boy and get a case of beer and drink in celebration that you both banged the same chic. Then go out and find yourself a nice pair of hott twins (ex. olsen's) Girls aren't worth losing friends over. And when you drink the case of celebration beer, get drunk and lose all inhibition and beat the hell out of your boy.