Just some more shit from our friends at EHOWA [Archive] - ForumsHQ

[Xetox]

Q. Why don't roosters have hands? A. Because chickens don't have tits.



As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Dad, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong honey?" She replied, "What happened to my booger?"



Q. What do you call a bouncer in a gay bar? A. A flame thrower.



At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains. "My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one. "I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another. "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third. "My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another contributed. "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man. Then there was a short moment of silence. "Thank God we can all still drive," said one woman cheerfully.



Q. Why can't men do laundry? A. Nobody's invented a remote control for washing machines yet.



An old geezer in the old folks home took a fancy to an old lady who is also staying at the home. One day he gets up enough courage to tell her he wants to make love to her. She agrees and suggests that when everyone else is gone for a day trip, they will stay behind and get to it. He goes to her room on the day and asks her how she likes it. She says, "I used to like it when a man went down on me." He says he would love to and goes for it. After about 30 seconds he comes back up and says, "I'm sorry. I afraid I just can't go on. It smells rotten down there." She says, "It must be my arthritis." He looks at her and says, "Surely you can't get arthritis down there. And even if you could, it wouldn't cause that horrible smell." She says, "No, my arthritis is in my shoulder and I can't wipe my ass."



Q.Who are some of the werewolves' cousins? A.The whatwolves and the whenwolves.



A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading. "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please . . . " "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose I might have a word with George?"



Q. Hear about Winona Ryder's new movie role? A. She plays the lead in "Girl Incarcerated"



Bob, a trendy dresser, fancied himself quite a lady-killer, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl's name and address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph. "How romantic," he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photo. Heart aflutter, he opened her response. It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy assed shirt."



Q. What does a Jewish pedohpile say? A. Hey kid, take it easy on that fucking candy!



The Marine General's inspection visit could not have gone better. The General himself was personally skilled with firing weapons and, in the past, had won every marksman award the Marines had to offer. While working with one Marine, the General quizzed him how many rounds should be fired at one time. "SIR! Six to eight, SIR." "Very good, Marine. How do you calibrate that weapon to fire six to eight rounds?" The Marine hesitated a little bit, then said, "SIR! Would you be offended if I told you how we calibrate our weapons when I was in the Fleet Marine Force?" "No, of course not, son." "SIR! We pull the trigger and say, 'Die, mother fucker, die,' as it takes 6 to 8 rounds to say that."

[War Hawk]

The Marine General's inspection visit could not have gone better. The General himself was personally skilled with firing weapons and, in the past, had won every marksman award the Marines had to offer. While working with one Marine, the General quizzed him how many rounds should be fired at one time. "SIR! Six to eight, SIR." "Very good, Marine. How do you calibrate that weapon to fire six to eight rounds?" The Marine hesitated a little bit, then said, "SIR! Would you be offended if I told you how we calibrate our weapons when I was in the Fleet Marine Force?" "No, of course not, son." "SIR! We pull the trigger and say, 'Die, mother fucker, die,' as it takes 6 to 8 rounds to say that."











Oh hell yes!!! that is some FUNNY shit!!!

[Tristian]

rofl.. Die, mother fucker die! how great! :)

[Platinum]

heh, nice

[Tristian]

that's not nice..