originality is the key to funny

[homer pimpson]

MOVIE AWARDS FOR 2003



You know, you really don’t realize what kind of pull you have until you wake up one morning, realize it’s 2003, and try to set up a fake award show and it works. Well, here we are. It is in fact 2003, and I will in fact see what kind of pull I have. I present you know with the 2003sies.



While setting up in the alley next to my house it was much to my surprise that a police officer approached. He asked what I was doing and I told him “setting up for the most prestigious award show out there baby!” while taking a swig of whiskey mixed with rain water. He was swiftly on his way, and the award show was ready to begin. Colin Farrel, Quinten Tarantino, and Queen Latifah were the first to arrive. Queen looked nervous due to her many nominations, but I reassured her that if any of her movies win, I’d be the first to commit suicide. Do you really want to live in a world where people respect her acting, or music? On that note, on with the show!



Each award winner will receive a trophy and the homer pimpson seal of approval. Which is worth more, I leave you to decide.



http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:KM0atyfByTwC:28bold.net/spleen/paphuevoqueso The official seal of approval.



http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:9ILw66BlnbIC:www.chem.umd.edu/chemathon Pictured here is what I think it would look like to receive a trophy from me if I was an old man and the actors were children.



AND THE 2003SIES ARE:



Best trailer

Worst trailer

Most unnecessary death

Sorry, it wasn’t funny

Worst movie title

Worst movie

Best Movie



BEST TRAILER



Bad Santa



The Last Samurai



Phone Booth



AND THE WINNER IS……….



Phone Booth. Here to accept the award for Phone Booth is Colin Farrell.



“Wow, matey. Just wow. You know a year ago I was drinking in an alley because I had nowhere else to go, and now I’m here, in an alley getting an award. It just makes you say wow. I mean, really, what we were trying to do here is get a comprehensive look at the movie. You can’t really get too much more out of the movie itself than you did from the trailer. Joel didn’t even want to make the trailer, because he figured that’s the whole deal right there. But I’m sure glad he did now! Joel, this one’s for you!”



WORST TRAILER



Kill Bill



American Wedding



Pirates of the Caribbean



AND THE WINNER IS………



American Wedding. Here to accept this prestigious award is Jason Biggs.



“Man. I thought we didn’t have a shot in hell of winning this one. I mean, I wasn’t even having sexual intercourse with a pie! Did you see the Kill Bill trailer? What the hell was that? But whatever. I guess we did give up all the funny parts on the trailer and the movie was just filler. Thanks, asshole.”



I’m going to kick Jason Biggs ass sometime very soon.



MOST UNNECESSARY DEATH



Kill Bill



The Matrix Reloaded



28 Days Later



AND THE WINNER IS………



The Matrix Reloaded. Here to accept the award is Hugo “Agent Smith” Weaving.



“You know, when we were filming the first movie, I thought Agent Smith was a pretty bad ass part. By the time we hit the second one, even I was thinking that “Hey, doesn’t Agent Smith realize that he can’t win?” Really, the guy gets killed like 600 times in one scene! Was that fight sequence really necessary? Couldn’t they have had a one on one fight to illustrate the same point? Oh well. I got an award. Peace!”



SORRY, IT WASN’T FUNNY



Haunted Mansion



American Wedding



Bringing Down the House



AND THE WINNER IS……….



Tension was thick in the air for this award, possibly the most anticipated award of the year. It was actually quite difficult to pick just one winner for this, let alone just 3 nominees. And, with that being said, the winner is Haunted Mansion. When announced, a nervous Steve Martin almost stood up like he knew it was his. Sorry Steve, next year. Here to accept the award was Eddie Murphy.



“You know, a lot of people ask me why I keep doing movies. It’s like they know that I’m not funny anymore. I have to agree. I think it happened when I did the Nutty Professor. I knew it, but I tried to squeeze a few out. Even the kids in Haunted Mansion were looking down on me. Eh, well.” It was at this point that Eddie Murphy pulled out a handgun, and put it up to his head. He was promptly ushered off stage. Not here, Eddie!



WORST MOVIE TITLE



Phone Booth



Once Upon A Time In Mexico



Finding Nemo



AND THE WINNER IS……….



Phone Booth. Here to accept this award is Colin Farrell.



“Wow. Back to the alley again! Just like Ireland. Sorry, but I got a little sauced up after winning the first one, so I don’t even know what this is for. Yeah, the movie sucked. I thought this should have got the best title. The only thing better would have been “Guy in a Phone Booth.” Joel, you can keep this one, you bastard!”



WORST MOVIE



Scary Movie 3



Gigli



From Justin to Kelly



AND THE WINNER IS………..



Scary Movie 3. Here to accept the award is Keenan Ivory Wayans.



“Whooooooooo. Man. I knew it sucked, but worse than Gigli? What? Whats that homer? Oh. No one has seen the other 2. Got it. Thanks.”



BEST MOVIE………..



Kill Bill



Bad Santa



Lord of the Rings: Return of the King



AND THE WINNER IS…………



Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Here to accept the most sought after award in the history of awards is Peter Jackson.



Peter Jackson stands up and spits in George Lucas’ face. On the way up to the stage he chest bumps Quentin Tarantino.

“Whats up now, bitch! Fuck you, George Lucas!” He extends his arms as to say “you want a piece? Come get it.” George Lucas looks down at the floor. “That’s right motherfucker! What you know about trilogies?” The beat from Shook Ones by Mobb Deep comes out of the speakers. “Everybody luvin’ R-I-N-G put your motherfuckin hands up and follow me!” and he continues into a freestyle, as everyone leaves the awards. Will George Lucas get his revenge? Be sure to follow the awards next year.

[Jedi]

The Waynes didn't have anything to do with the third Scary Movie.



And George Lucas pwnz Peter Jackson =)

[homer pimpson]

the wayans set the ball in motion, my friend.



he may have in 1985. may have.

[Kai Shadowbane]

the wayans set the ball in motion, my friend.



he may have in 1985. may have.



course we all know peter jackson wasn't gonna get the award, gollum would have just like in the easter egg scene in LotR: tTT Extended edition. god that scene was a riot.

[homer pimpson]

haven't seen it. the funny levels are high in this? perhaps even dangerous?!