Coupla Jokes...

[Hobo_Bill]

This teacher was a quick thinker........



A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses

whatsoever!"



A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.



When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."



It took 15 minutes for the class to come to order.......

_________________________________________________



A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while

he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs

some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and

eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard

balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow

swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just

did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything

in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and

stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the

monkey ate, then leaves.



Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He

orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While

the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on

the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls

it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted.

"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?"replies the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it

out, and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats

everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he

measures everything first."

[Hobo_Bill]

And check this link out.. this is amazing...



http://koti.mbnet.fi/~soldier/towboat.htm

[YaMamaBitch]

i like the first 2 jokes.. :)