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[Xetox]

HOW TO TAKE A Shit AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in

our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we

try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those

who hate pooping at work, following is the 2000 Survival Guide for taking a

dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure

pleasure.

ESCAPEE. Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the

urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden

wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive

when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee,

do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next

to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an

escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing

makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE). Definition: When forcing poop,

several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect

of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in

the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the

awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH. Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the

nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an

undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to

stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK

OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME. Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door

after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable

moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to

pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the

COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER. Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn

proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the

bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around

the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN). Definition: A group of coworkers who

band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This

group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers,

and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS. Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building

where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of

the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex

entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the

stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking

and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this

occurs, remain in the stall until he Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will

avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH. Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the

bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a

WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used

in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE. Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd

Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that

the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom

immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON. Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the

toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a

Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. SEE CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET. Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud

splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a

Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED. Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.

Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on

the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as

you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This

benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY. Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.

Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom,

leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.

People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the

bathroom.

[Raybdbomb]

hey oregano

you should make a gay, not funny jokes forum for xetox to post all of his shit :P*

Ray

(those are my two cents)

[Xetox]

and guess what xetox got..........

[Xetox]

by the way I love this post......I love talking about shit...I love taking a shit, damn I gotta poop