D&D in Iraq

[Speed]

Political Role PLaying??

I found this a message board for a LARP gamre and had to repost it here!

Please excuse me If I offend anyone, this is only meant as a joke. (the journaler is not responsible for the acctual content as she didn't write it herself. thank you)



SOMEWHERE NEAR BAGHDAD-- Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein expressed

intense dissatisfaction Friday with what he called President

Bush's "killer" DM-ing style. A visibly frustrated Saddam was seen

fidgeting with his dice and character sheet as Bush attempted to

adjudicate an involved combat sequence.



"I need party order, everyone," Bush said. "Where are you at, Saddam?"



"Why should I tell you? So you can just send another Save vs. Cruise

Missile my way, you fucker?"



Australia's John Howard and Britain's Tony Blair, the other player's in

Bush's group, rolled their eyes.



"Saddam, you didn't explicitly state that you were checking that house

for cruise missiles. You got what you deserved," responded Blair.



Saddam then accused Howard of planning a sneak attack on his

character's share of the loot. "He always plays a fucking halfling

rogue, always. He's going to pick my pockets or some shit. He's just

that lame."



"I'm just playing in-character," Howard replied, "don't get pissy with

me if you can't handle it."



"Yeah, well, I'm sleeping in my armor and keeping my sword out," Saddam

said. "Good thing I'm not a sheep, or I'd have to be sure to keep my

ass firmly planted against the ground, too."



Howard responded by cajoling Saddam to just "go along" with what Bush

was doing.



Saddam had previously complained that he didn't get full XP value for

helicopters that crashed in Kuwait, and that the CR of the U.S. 7th

Cavalry was "way the fuck beyond" what a 6th-level party should

reasonably expect to face.



Blair, speaking confidentially to CNN while Saddam was in the bathroom,

expressed intense disdain for Saddam's playing habits. "We're always

asking him to give us a hand with his wand of Magic Missiles, right?

And he's always like, "Dude, I don't fucking have it. I used it up a

long time ago." And then the moment he gets in the shit, bam! Out comes

a wand of Magic Missiles. Big fucking surprise, the little tosser."



Blair and Howard share the suspicion that Saddam has a scroll of

Cloudkill in reserve for a real emergency, which Bush will neither

confirm nor deny.



"Well, maybe if he'd quit bogarting more than his share of the pizza

and the Dew, I wouldn't ride his ass so much. We've all put up with his

shit for so long, what else does he expect?" said Bush. "I mean, sure,

the 1st Marine Expeditionary Force is a CR 18 wandering monster. No way

he can take it. But what does he try to do every time? He stands and

fights. He's like, "I give my hirelings rocks and sticks. They're

loyal, right?" And the rest of us are rolling our eyes and trying not

to laugh. It's kinda sad, really."



"I'm not out to kill Saddam's character," Bush said in

conclusion. "Saddam's out to get his character killed."



"He's been like this for, like, twelve years," Blair added.



"He's still pissed because Israel bitch-slapped him that one time,"

said Howard.



"Yeah, no shit. Saddam's played with Israel, and now he thinks I'm a

killer DM? Bitch, please," Bush responded.



On the way back to the dining room to rejoin the game, Saddam exchanged

greetings with France in the den. France sold Saddam his old Magic card

collection some time in the late 90s, but has refused to get involved

in the ongoing d20 game. "I keep trying to interest them in a game of

Amber or Theatrix, but all they want to do is dungeon crawls," France

complained. "Typical fucking assholes."



NEXT WEEK: Accusations of player favoritism rock Bush's new LARP to its

foundations. Bush claims "thirty, maybe forty" new players. France and

other players on the Primogen Council express disbelief.

[Kai Shadowbane]

:thumbu: :thumbu:



That's 2 thumbs up, funny as hell Speed!

[Helmut]

"Yeah, no shit. Saddam's played with Israel, and now he thinks I'm a

killer DM? Bitch, please," Bush responded.







bitch, please..:whip:

[YaMamaBitch]

too damn long for me to read. sorry

[Reckless]

if it didn't catch my interest it would've lost me at "Political Role PLaying??"

[MrBlack]

Originally posted by Speed



"Bitch, please," Bush responded.









That's the funniest part, I thought ;)

[Helmut]

Originally posted by MrBlack







That's the funniest part, I thought ;)







me too.......







Originally posted by Helmut

"Yeah, no shit. Saddam's played with Israel, and now he thinks I'm a

killer DM? Bitch, please," Bush responded.







bitch, please..:whip:









:-p