how to speak about men and women and be politically correct Plus other jokes

[Relorian]

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT







1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN.

2. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

3. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

4. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is A PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

5. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

7. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is

MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

11. She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

12. She is not a TWO-BIT SLAPPER - She is a LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDER.



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5. He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.

9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.



DIFFICULT WORDS TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK

Specificity

Indubitably

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon

I can't even say half of these words when I'm sober!



IMPOSSIBLE WORDS TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK

Thanks, but I don't want sex.

No, I don't want another drink.

Sorry, but you're not good looking enough for me.

Good evening officer

I'm not interested in fighting you.

No one wants to hear me sing

[NIN]

the very last part is the best



Thanks, but I don't want sex.

[Blunt]

goud evnin osifer is more like it

[NIN]

"son, have you been drinking?"

[Reckless]

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! No No No I have noooooooot!

[Helmut]

No, I'm not interested in fighting you, and I most certainly do not want another drink.

[Relorian]

Cop: Gee son, your eyes sure are red, been drinkin tonight?

Person: Gee Officer, your eyes sure look glazed, been eating doughnuts tonight?



or



Hey Officer, whats that, a 9mm? Thats nothing compaired to this .357