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January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.



February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels - DUH! - bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!



March - Got excited because I finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months ..... box said "2-4 years!"



April - Trapped on escalator for hours .. power went out!!!



May - Tried to make Kool-Aid . 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!



June - Tried to go water skiing .... .couldn't find a lake with a slope.



July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition ..... learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!



August - Got locked out of car in rain storm ..... car swamped, because top was down.



September - The capital of California is "C" ..... isn't it???



October - Hate M &M's ..... they are so hard to peel.



November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ..... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!



December - Couldn't call 911 - DUH! - there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!



Whew !! What a year!!

u know she doesn't weigh 108, it's more like 180

hey Xetox - find ray some 180lb woman jokes... he like em big!

Ray has been in jail for 10 long years.

The only thought that gets him through the day is women's bellybuttons. He loves 'em. When he's in the shower, eating a meal, making license plates, sleeping, avoiding anal rape in the bathroom, that's all he can think about.

So finally, he is released. They give him sixty-five dollars, a cheap suit, and send him on his way. He makes an immediate bee-line for the nearest whorehouse.

Ray walks in and right up to the sleazy-looking guy behind the desk. "I need to lick a woman's navel!" he shouts.

"Sorry, sir," the owner says. "We don't serve perverts here."

Ray grabs the guy by the throat. "Listen!" he screams. "I just did ten years hard time, and if I don't get to lick some bellybuttons, I might just kill some-motherfuckin'-body!!!"

The owner directs him to a run-down wooden door. He walks through and sees an ugly, fat woman. That doesn't bother Ray, though, because not only does she have huge breasts, she has the deepest navel he's ever seen.

Ray dives in immediately. He licks, and licks, and licks.....and after a while, gets a piece of potato stuck in his teeth. 'Hmmm, I don't remember having potatoes for breakfast,' he thinks, but he keeps on goin'.

He licks, and licks, and licks.....and after a while, he gets a piece of meat stuck in his teeth. 'I know I haven't eaten meat for a while,' he thinks, but keeps right on goin'.

He licks, and licks, and licks.....and after a while, he gets a piece of corn in his teeth. That was the last straw. "I think I'm going to be sick, he moans."

"That's funny," says the whore. "That's what the last guy said."

yuck

Man, you must camp places like EHOWA, rotten.com and something aweful

Well you know everything about me is MORBID!

EHOWA....I'll never forget that site. I felt dirty for a week when I saw the backstage picture of Britney Spears posing with the Olsen twins....ooooohh...

EHOWA? O_O

whas that ^^;;;

as for the ray joke thing.... thats just nasty ray XP

www.ehowa.com Great site. Check it out!