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As a general service to wankers and wankees alike, I've decided to start an irregular advice column, whereby I answer your questions with an expert's opinion, found by my tireless internet research.



To begin, I'll set you all up with some general advice: they are likely diseased!

Dear Khaled,



Is it considered pedophilia if the kids dead?



Just kidding, heres the real question.



Is it better to be fuckin my Ex's sister than being single?

that one is soooooooo easy, hell yeah fucker hard with your ex!!!

Dear Khaled,



Is it considered pedophilia if the kids dead?



Just kidding, heres the real question.



Is it better to be fuckin my Ex's sister than being single?



I think the real question here, Rel, which you're obviously afraid to ask, is "can I fuck my dead underage sister?" Well, according to bacon, the answer is a resounding yes.



"I'm an expert on paedophilia," says the renown expert on paedophilia, bacon chee. According to bacon, the question is how old is the corpse currently--if the kiddie "dies" at age 12 and is stored in your freezer for 2 years, the age of the corpse will be over the age of 13 does that will not make you a paedophile. It is a rather popular loophole in todays society.



To answer your second question, I enlisted Ron Fricke of the Philadelphia Zoo, who has much to say about relationships. "These mating behaviors become infinitely trickier in the zoo setting." To true, Ron. Your sister's girlfriend may seem like a mostly-untouched burrito found laying on the ground, but a big, juicy bite could turn up big, juicy maggots. My advice is to take it slowly and cautiously--consider dawning safety (http://www.geocities.com/ncapsul8n/Greenfront.html) gear (http://www.geocities.com/CapeCanaveral/Lab/3518/HI-GAS2.jpg).



Should complications arise, flush with water for 20 minutes and remember: they are very likely diseased!



p.s. to the fellow who private messaged me with pics of his penile scabies--I'm not a doctor; I can't help you with that. My best advice to you is to get AIDS to scare the scabies away.

As a general service to wankers and wankees alike, I've decided to start an irregular advice column, whereby I answer your questions with an expert's opinion, found by my tireless internet research.



i like plump women, which can lead to a possibly fatal situation. with concern to my health, what would be the maximum weight limit for a woman on top before my intestines are squeezed out my butt? thanks in advance.

heh.. good awnser khaled

Dear Khaled,



Poo.



Sincerely,

Platinum

i like plump women, which can lead to a possibly fatal situation. with concern to my health, what would be the maximum weight limit for a woman on top before my intestines are squeezed out my butt? thanks in advance.



Good question, and my "good (http://www.naked-teens-live.com/allpetite_2705/teen_sex_008.html)" I mean "nauseating (http://www.chubbyswingers.com/)." Now to provide you with an expert's opinion, I've painstakingly reviewed many "BBW (http://www.bbwcity.com/)" (bubble butt whore) sites and even poked at a fat woman with a stick. I have also consulted Fat (http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com/part2.shtml) Chicks (http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com/part16.shtml) in Party (http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com/part28.shtml) Hats (http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com/part24.shtml) fame (http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com/hatemail.shtml) Miguel (mailto:miguel@fatchicksinpartyhats.com), who had this to say on the subject, "hello queen pretty (http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com/part20.shtml). you smell like a cunt." When pressed, Miguel offered a stern warning "SUDENLY TERROR! A EAT ATTACK!" Chilling words; a eat attack, indeed.



So whats the final word in weight-limits? You'll have to ease into it. Try having the creature bounce on you lightly until your guts begin to squirt. Find the pre-squirting threshold, and stick with it.

Dear Khaled,



Poo.



Sincerely,

Platinum



Plat,



I hardly know where to begin. I sense that you're need of help, but unless you're more specific, I can't go far (http://www.pooppersonals.com/) beyond (http://www.ratemypoo.com/) this (http://www.pooppals.com/).

Dear Khaled,



It very much so disturbs me that you know of this sort of website. You seem to have read me wrong. Merely the disclaimer is disturbing enough, I dared not touch the 'ENTER' link. It's more disturbing highlights read as follows:



WELCOME TO THE POOP PERSONALS

at www.pooppersonals.com



As if that's not scary enough, I'll continue.



You must be at least 18 years of age (21 in some areas) and it must be legal in your location for you to view full nudity, sexual acts and depravity with poop.



Whoa.



Simply put people who enjoy sex and masturbation with poop or just find poop or the act of pooping erotic.



*throws up*



Sincerely,

Platinum