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Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...

or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do...



I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in

tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow

job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My

husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX

==================



I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf

balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After

browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-

looking

gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.

Without

thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with

men's

balls."

Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI

===================



My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that

sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the

boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No,

I'm

just looking at your nuts."



My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I

turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let

me forget.

Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD

===================



While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to

release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab

hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other

patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she

would be punished.



To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just

as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell

Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up

the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in

tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams

of laughter.

Amy Richardson, Stafford, Virginia

====================



A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she

finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items

had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got

on the intercom (!) and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE

CHECK

ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE."



That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store

apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS."

In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom.

"DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND

YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

Diane E. Amov

===================



Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training

and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a

quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining

room.



While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of

course I checked my seven-month-old daughter and she was clean. Then I

realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked

him

if he needed to go, and he said "No."



I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I

don't have any clothes with me."



Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"



"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,

because

the smell was getting! worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny,

did

you have an accident?"



This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and

spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"



While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,

he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.



An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best

laugh they'd ever had!

=================



This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and

a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future,

likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow

but don't get any...a true story...



We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed

to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"



Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did

too they were laughing so hard!

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and

spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"





I would have WHOOPED that kid.

Originally posted by Speed





I would have WHOOPED that kid.



Why? He was just proving to her that he didn't have an accident. Perhaps she should trust her kids to tell the truth (they tend to do that even when you don't want them to ;))

Screw that. If my child pulls down his pants in taco bell and yells somethin about farts, I'll flip on his ass. I f'kin hate kids that do that shit. It's uncalled for. Kids should know better by the age of 3 that they don't do that. She should -be able- to trust her kid to tell the truth, but obviously she can't, and if you smelled somethin godawful like that, you'd think he shit is pants too.

Well I would have asked him if he was farting on the third attempt! But I prolly would have laughed my ass off when he done it!

well speed, that is why dumb people shouldn't have children. there are enough dumb people in the world as it is

I concur.

id beat his ass too.. those were funny

ray would also ask the anchor man where the 8 inches he was promised is