Coupla Jokes...
Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2003 5:49 pm
This teacher was a quick thinker........
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
It took 15 minutes for the class to come to order.......
_________________________________________________
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while
he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs
some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and
eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard
balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow
swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just
did?"
The guy says "No, what?"
He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything
in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and
stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the
monkey ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He
orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While
the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on
the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls
it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?"replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it
out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats
everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he
measures everything first."
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
It took 15 minutes for the class to come to order.......
_________________________________________________
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while
he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs
some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and
eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard
balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow
swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just
did?"
The guy says "No, what?"
He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything
in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and
stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the
monkey ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He
orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While
the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on
the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls
it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?"replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it
out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats
everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he
measures everything first."