the pearly gates [Archive] - ForumsHQ
Posted: Fri Apr 26, 2002 1:25 pm
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
the admittance policy. The new rule was that, in order to get into
heaven, you had to have had a real bummer of a day when you died.
The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
The next day at 121, the first person came to the gates of heaven.
The angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly says to the
man, 'Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going
when
you died.'
'No problem,' the man says. 'I came home to my 25th floor apartment
during my lunch hour and caught my wife half-naked and appearing to be
having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began
searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire
apartment.
Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his
fingertips! The nerve of that guy!
'Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he
fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and
bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more.
In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands
on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was
the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and
tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The
excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died
almost instantly.'
The angel sat back and thought for a moment. Technically, the guy did
have a bad day. It was a crime of
passion. So, the angel announces, 'OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of
Heaven,' and lets him in.
A few seconds later the next guy comes up. 'Before I can let you in,
I need to hear about what your day was like when you died.'
The man says, 'No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was
on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had
been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my
stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally
fell over the side! 'Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips
on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running
out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well of
course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom that broke my
fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground,
unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his
refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and
lands on top of me, killing me instantly.'
The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story.
'I could get used to this new policy,' he thinks to himself. 'Very well,'
the angel announces, 'welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,' and he lets the
man enter.
A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel is
warming up to his task. 'OK, please tell me what it was like the day you
died.'
The man says, 'OK, picture this. I'm naked inside this refrigerator . .
the admittance policy. The new rule was that, in order to get into
heaven, you had to have had a real bummer of a day when you died.
The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
The next day at 121, the first person came to the gates of heaven.
The angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly says to the
man, 'Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going
when
you died.'
'No problem,' the man says. 'I came home to my 25th floor apartment
during my lunch hour and caught my wife half-naked and appearing to be
having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began
searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire
apartment.
Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his
fingertips! The nerve of that guy!
'Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he
fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and
bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more.
In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands
on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was
the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and
tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The
excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died
almost instantly.'
The angel sat back and thought for a moment. Technically, the guy did
have a bad day. It was a crime of
passion. So, the angel announces, 'OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of
Heaven,' and lets him in.
A few seconds later the next guy comes up. 'Before I can let you in,
I need to hear about what your day was like when you died.'
The man says, 'No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was
on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had
been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my
stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally
fell over the side! 'Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips
on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running
out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well of
course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom that broke my
fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground,
unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his
refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and
lands on top of me, killing me instantly.'
The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story.
'I could get used to this new policy,' he thinks to himself. 'Very well,'
the angel announces, 'welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,' and he lets the
man enter.
A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel is
warming up to his task. 'OK, please tell me what it was like the day you
died.'
The man says, 'OK, picture this. I'm naked inside this refrigerator . .