Dump [Archive] - ForumsHQ
Posted: Thu Apr 04, 2002 10:06 am
Subject: Perfect Dump
"The Perfect Dump"
A funny dedicated to one of the only "ACTIONS" we humans all
share......."The Dump"........
The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us
experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all
respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth
sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless
grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some
toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes
you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect
harmony with it.
The Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's
tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. It
could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a
sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog
that could close a bathroom for days.
The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it
leaves.The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel
like a heat shield.
The Cable Dump - Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13
telephone coaxial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a
friendly serpent. You wonder admiringly, "DID I DO THAT? Where
did it come from?" You leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.
The Latrine Dump - In case you didn't know, a latrine is a hole in the
ground with a tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go
to dump. Tip: Don't ever, ever look in the hole.
The Mona Lisa Dump - This is the masterpiece of dumps. It's as
perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies
that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it
yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that's
going a bit too far.
The Empty Roll Dump - You're done...you reach for the toilet
paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic
begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains...no,
someone would say "Where are the curtains?" Then what would you say?
The rug?...too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion
that every "empty roll dumper" must face...pull up your slacks, tighten
your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll.
The Splash Back Dump - You send the dump on its way, it
drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl
water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now
you're wet and embarrassed. Tip: Blot instead of wiping.
The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings.
What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the
rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do.
The Caesarian Dump - Pain, that's what this dump and childbirth have in
common. Its simply a case of too much dump trying to go through too
small a hole, and there's no obstetrician to help.
The Alfresco Dump - Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time.
This can be a rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the
nature, and a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that
our primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this
harmonious interlude is a troop of brownies or a patch of poison ivy.
The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go
through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit
there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going
to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again.
You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying
to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis
before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three
things you can do:
1. Scream
2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it.
The Tijuana Trot Dump - The phrase "Shit Happens" really applies here
in a big way. When the ice in your tainted margarita makes contact
with your lower intestinal tract, the fun begins. For the next 72 hours
you'd be better off if you carried your own portable toilet with
you because you will spend most of that time on the pot and the rest
of the time in a fetal position. Now you realize why Mexico never had
a navy.
The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of
sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy
bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in
the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his
umbrella like an M16.
The Sound Effect Dump - You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives,
friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ
some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about
to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment
of release, try the following sound effects:
1. Flush the toilet
2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem
3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor
The Security Dump - You have enough on your mind when you're in the
bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting
in to find you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing
spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your
foot against the door. If you can't reach to do this...hum loudly.
The Cling-On Dump - For the most part you've completed your dump, but
there's one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You're getting
impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat
with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little
stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a
canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding
impatiently on the door has scissors.
The Houdini Dump - You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn
thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did
you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you
wipe? Maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you
flush? You'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear
and smile at the next person who comes in.
The Flu Dump - You feel so bad that you don't know which end of you to
put down first. You have roaring cramps, so you sit down. Then a wave
of nausea rolls over you like a cold fog, so you stand up and cramps
squeeze your intestines like a vice so you sit down again...up down up
down. Don't you wish Mom were close by?
The Porta-Pottie Dump - Construction workers and outdoor concert goers
will tell you about going in a portable toilet. My best description
would be, "Its like taking a shit in an upright coffin". Its claustrophobic
and it smells bad...best advice...go in a paper cup.
The Proctologist Dump - In the beginning, the lord created the earth,
the sky and the firmament, but I hope he didn't create this dump
because there is nothing biblical about it...you run out of gas.
That's right, you run out of propulsion. The dump is right there at
the end of your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you
squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead.
You've only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn thing
back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other is to
pretend you're a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not a pretty
picture is it??
The Whole Roll Dump - No matter how much you wipe, it doesn't
seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25
times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.
The Graffiti Dump - You flush the dump and the swirling motion
of the receding bowl water forces the dump to the porcelain sides,
scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the
curlicue hangs there...love it or leave it. Its your choice.
The Encore Dump - Ahhhh, you're done, so you wipe, put yourself
together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom
when you feel another dump coming. You have to return for a curtain
call. The world's record is seven encores.
The Born Again Dump - This is a dump that's going so badly, you say
"Lord, if I live through this, I'll take up religion" you always get
through it, but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation,
because a born again dump is like childbirth...you forget the pain
quickly.
__
1999 Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work.
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in
our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we
try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those of you
who hate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you the 1999 Survival
Guide for Taking a Dump at Work. Memorize these definitions and
pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when
passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do
not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next
to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes
an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or
laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns
pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the
bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the
poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed
location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have
just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell
does not exist.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You
will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for
the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency
pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the
whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can
least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite
sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this
occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURG leaves. This way you will
avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom
that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to
alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction
with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS
that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall
is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the
pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON
coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in
the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH
with an ASTAIRE.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the
pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you
should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This
benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in,
check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
CRACK WHORE
Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Tell
tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and shit streaks.
Avoid a CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans
each particular bathroom. Don't forget, a CRACK WHORE can become a
SAFEHAVEN.
CONVECTIVE METHANE STORM:
When clouds of warm moist Methane rise out of the stall in a convective
storm occurs due to the disparate temperature of the air coming in under
the stall (cool)and meets the warm gasses due to exceptional vapor
release: ceiling tiles have been known to rise off their supports due to
turbulence.
CONDENSATION FACTORS:
Bowl drips due to inadequate maintenance of climate control during
change of seasons. End result ranges from mild discomfort upon sitting,
to catastrophic sliding off of the porcelain Throne.
SHIRT TAIL QUANDRY:
Arises when participant questions if the shirt tail was out of the way
on the "wipe follow-through" or not. May never leave the mind of the
participant upon returning to office with "WIPERS REMORSE"
WIPERS REMORSE:
Happens when off odor is present in work station and worker thinks they
missed something.
SINK ETIQUETTE:
Method of running the faucet so others think you washed your hands.
CERAMIC RESONANT PIPE PUNCHER:
Granddaddy of all acoustical vapor releases. Sound resonates not only off
of the bowl, but beneath the floor on in to the pipes of the entire building.
ESTROGEN ECHOES:
Usually found in lesser constructions, when facilities for both sexes share
a common wall, and the result of a loud clapping fart brings a feminine
gasp from the adjoining room.
"The Perfect Dump"
A funny dedicated to one of the only "ACTIONS" we humans all
share......."The Dump"........
The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us
experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all
respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth
sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless
grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some
toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes
you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect
harmony with it.
The Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's
tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. It
could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a
sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog
that could close a bathroom for days.
The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it
leaves.The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel
like a heat shield.
The Cable Dump - Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13
telephone coaxial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a
friendly serpent. You wonder admiringly, "DID I DO THAT? Where
did it come from?" You leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.
The Latrine Dump - In case you didn't know, a latrine is a hole in the
ground with a tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go
to dump. Tip: Don't ever, ever look in the hole.
The Mona Lisa Dump - This is the masterpiece of dumps. It's as
perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies
that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it
yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that's
going a bit too far.
The Empty Roll Dump - You're done...you reach for the toilet
paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic
begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains...no,
someone would say "Where are the curtains?" Then what would you say?
The rug?...too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion
that every "empty roll dumper" must face...pull up your slacks, tighten
your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll.
The Splash Back Dump - You send the dump on its way, it
drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl
water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now
you're wet and embarrassed. Tip: Blot instead of wiping.
The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings.
What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the
rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do.
The Caesarian Dump - Pain, that's what this dump and childbirth have in
common. Its simply a case of too much dump trying to go through too
small a hole, and there's no obstetrician to help.
The Alfresco Dump - Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time.
This can be a rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the
nature, and a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that
our primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this
harmonious interlude is a troop of brownies or a patch of poison ivy.
The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go
through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit
there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going
to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again.
You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying
to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis
before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three
things you can do:
1. Scream
2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it.
The Tijuana Trot Dump - The phrase "Shit Happens" really applies here
in a big way. When the ice in your tainted margarita makes contact
with your lower intestinal tract, the fun begins. For the next 72 hours
you'd be better off if you carried your own portable toilet with
you because you will spend most of that time on the pot and the rest
of the time in a fetal position. Now you realize why Mexico never had
a navy.
The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of
sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy
bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in
the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his
umbrella like an M16.
The Sound Effect Dump - You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives,
friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ
some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about
to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment
of release, try the following sound effects:
1. Flush the toilet
2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem
3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor
The Security Dump - You have enough on your mind when you're in the
bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting
in to find you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing
spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your
foot against the door. If you can't reach to do this...hum loudly.
The Cling-On Dump - For the most part you've completed your dump, but
there's one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You're getting
impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat
with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little
stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a
canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding
impatiently on the door has scissors.
The Houdini Dump - You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn
thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did
you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you
wipe? Maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you
flush? You'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear
and smile at the next person who comes in.
The Flu Dump - You feel so bad that you don't know which end of you to
put down first. You have roaring cramps, so you sit down. Then a wave
of nausea rolls over you like a cold fog, so you stand up and cramps
squeeze your intestines like a vice so you sit down again...up down up
down. Don't you wish Mom were close by?
The Porta-Pottie Dump - Construction workers and outdoor concert goers
will tell you about going in a portable toilet. My best description
would be, "Its like taking a shit in an upright coffin". Its claustrophobic
and it smells bad...best advice...go in a paper cup.
The Proctologist Dump - In the beginning, the lord created the earth,
the sky and the firmament, but I hope he didn't create this dump
because there is nothing biblical about it...you run out of gas.
That's right, you run out of propulsion. The dump is right there at
the end of your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you
squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead.
You've only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn thing
back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other is to
pretend you're a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not a pretty
picture is it??
The Whole Roll Dump - No matter how much you wipe, it doesn't
seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25
times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.
The Graffiti Dump - You flush the dump and the swirling motion
of the receding bowl water forces the dump to the porcelain sides,
scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the
curlicue hangs there...love it or leave it. Its your choice.
The Encore Dump - Ahhhh, you're done, so you wipe, put yourself
together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom
when you feel another dump coming. You have to return for a curtain
call. The world's record is seven encores.
The Born Again Dump - This is a dump that's going so badly, you say
"Lord, if I live through this, I'll take up religion" you always get
through it, but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation,
because a born again dump is like childbirth...you forget the pain
quickly.
__
1999 Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work.
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in
our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we
try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those of you
who hate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you the 1999 Survival
Guide for Taking a Dump at Work. Memorize these definitions and
pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when
passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do
not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next
to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes
an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or
laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns
pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the
bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the
poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed
location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have
just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell
does not exist.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You
will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for
the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency
pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the
whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can
least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite
sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this
occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURG leaves. This way you will
avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom
that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to
alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction
with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS
that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall
is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the
pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON
coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in
the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH
with an ASTAIRE.
UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the
pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you
should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This
benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in,
check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
CRACK WHORE
Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Tell
tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and shit streaks.
Avoid a CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans
each particular bathroom. Don't forget, a CRACK WHORE can become a
SAFEHAVEN.
CONVECTIVE METHANE STORM:
When clouds of warm moist Methane rise out of the stall in a convective
storm occurs due to the disparate temperature of the air coming in under
the stall (cool)and meets the warm gasses due to exceptional vapor
release: ceiling tiles have been known to rise off their supports due to
turbulence.
CONDENSATION FACTORS:
Bowl drips due to inadequate maintenance of climate control during
change of seasons. End result ranges from mild discomfort upon sitting,
to catastrophic sliding off of the porcelain Throne.
SHIRT TAIL QUANDRY:
Arises when participant questions if the shirt tail was out of the way
on the "wipe follow-through" or not. May never leave the mind of the
participant upon returning to office with "WIPERS REMORSE"
WIPERS REMORSE:
Happens when off odor is present in work station and worker thinks they
missed something.
SINK ETIQUETTE:
Method of running the faucet so others think you washed your hands.
CERAMIC RESONANT PIPE PUNCHER:
Granddaddy of all acoustical vapor releases. Sound resonates not only off
of the bowl, but beneath the floor on in to the pipes of the entire building.
ESTROGEN ECHOES:
Usually found in lesser constructions, when facilities for both sexes share
a common wall, and the result of a loud clapping fart brings a feminine
gasp from the adjoining room.