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hey man i'm a loner, so what....



we're all loners, so lets be loners together :)

yeah

i guess

*shrugs*

but still

im lost

searching for myself

soul is trapped in the sands of time

i....cannot.....

its....not....written in the slate of fate

Ok, gotta add my $0.02 here.



I got pregnant right out of high school while living with my (then) fiance. We married October 1998, had our daughter March 1999. It was a very tough time, especially because I had undiagnosed depression. I actually don't remember much of that time, except that my husband was in class and studying a lot (college for Mechanical Engineering) and that I had to work nights at a hotel so he wouldn't have to work. I took care of the baby during the day and worked at night. No time with my husband, and he didn't have a lot of bonding time with our daughter. Then, on her first birthday, I found out I was pregnant again. We were determined not to make the same mistakes again. We moved into a better apartment and really worked at being together. I had to quit working because of gestational diabetes and severe sciatica. But he got a co-op through his school that made some decent money and gave him class credit. Our son was born November 2000. It wasn't until after he was born that I was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance which cause severe depression (made me suicidal). I got help with that, including meds that I'm still on now, and will be for the rest of my life. My husband got his B.S. in mechanical engineering last fall. He's working with a very good company, making good money. I'm not working at the moment because of a knee injury. Instead, I stay at home with our now 4 year old daughter and 2 year old son. They are a pain in the ass sometimes, but then there are times that I just have to laugh and hug them close because of a silly or sweet face, or just the things they say. It's been a bitch at times, and more than once I've thought about just up and leaving it all. Especially with the statistics that say that most marriages, especially those between people so young, don't last 5 years. I'm proud to say that we will be celebrating our 5th anniversary this October. I was never very social in high school, and then moving to a new city right after has kept me pretty isolated. I've never really known what it's like to just be able to go out and stay out all night without having to worry about getting home by a certain time. Sure, there are some times I wonder what it would have been like, but whenever my kids run up to me and give me a big hug and kiss, and whenever my husband holds me and says "I love you" in my ear, it's all worth it! I love my kids more than life itself. We've actually been trying to have another one, and I've gone through 2 miscarriages since November. That has made me appreciate my kids even more. I love them more than life itself. I would die for them. I would kill for them. I will do everything in my power to prevent them from having the kind of childhood that I had.



Ok, I know I'm rambling. This topic just hits home with me. I know that not everybody wants to have children, and that's fine. It is a very personal decision. I just say that anyone who has a child should cherish him/her. Children do truly become your reason for living.



**Stepping off my soapbox now :-D **

True...it may be hard for some people..but having a kid does not ruin your life. NOT everyone grows to dislike the child. I am 22, Erin is 19, and there are hard times...and we are still working things out between each other. It has not ruined my life, nor Erins. Not going out on Friday night? Says who? Everynight that we have plans, or want to go out.....then we do. Our daughter has these things called Grandparents, and we have things called Friends. The can watch her for us.