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3 engineers were in the restroom standing at the urinals.



The first engineer finished, walked to the sink and washed his hands. He proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At Intel, we are trained to be extremely thorough."



The second engineer finished and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Microsoft, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."



The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At AMD we don't pee on our hands...."

While visiting Africa.....................................

So I'm at this place a few nights back, one of my favorite ritzy restaurants, waiting for a couple of friends. They called to say they'd be late.



So I'm sitting at my regular table when I notice this woman, this incredibly stunning woman, sitting at a nearby table all alone. Now she's not your regular kind of beautiful - I mean she was gorgeous, literally head-over-heels gorgeous. She looked something like a cross between Cameron Diaz and Jessica Alba, brunette, thick, moist lips, one of those peachy, heart-shaped angel faces you want to do bad things to - man, she had it all. It was one of those love at first sight situation thingies.



So anyhow, after my jaw got to know the floor personally, I realized that this babe was sitting there all alone. This, my plotting and fertile mind decides, is my chance.



I called the waiter over.

"Yes, sir," he says, in the most posh of Oxford accents you ever heard.

I asked him to tell me - discreetly and under his breath because the upper society you find at one of these joints just eats you up - what the most expensive bottle of wine they had was. (I know zilch about wine, absolutely nothing, and to be honest, that's something of a setback with the stiff-assed society I keep.)

So he says a Merlot, a 19-something-something.

"Great," I said, "Send a bottle over to that woman over there."



Now this is your typical send-a-bottle-of-wine-over date set-up, so I figure I will hit lucky on the first try. I knew that if she just accepted the bottle, she'd be mine. Dammit, I wanted her.



Bad luck.



The waiter had the bottle ready in a jiff, glided over to the woman and I suppose said something like, "This is from the gentleman over there," with a slight nod of his head.



She looked over to me. I gave her the sexiest smile I'd ever given anyone.



She asked the waiter to wait for a second. Now these waiters never look nonplussed, so this motherfucker didn't look nonplussed. He just stood like Frankenstein while she pulled out a piece of tissue from her purse and a slim Mont Blanc.



She began to write on the tissue. The waiter waited. I waited. Dammit, she was gorgeous!



So finally she finishes up, and she hands it to the waiter, and he brings the note to me.



I read it. It said, and I quote from memory:

"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants."



Now you can imagine I'd be a little surprised at this. Not so, damn it, not so. Years of being a cultured motherfucker taught me how to look suave for the ladies.



I chuckled visibly, sure that her eyes were on me, and wrote a note of my own on the other side of the tissue.



I handed it to the waiter. The waiter gave it to the woman.



My note read:

"Just so you know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 600 SL in my garage, and I have over 25 million dollars in the bank. But not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back."

I like how you inserted yourself into the joke.. although if it was from the third person, I probably wouldn't bother reading something so long.

Speed, I cant tell if that's a joke or not..but if it's true...god damn nice shit..if not..damned good joke...

I'm sorry I didn't clarify, I copied it from a website and pasted it. I didn't insert anything into it. Didn't really think it was too hard to gather it was a joke, especially since it's in a joke thread.



You don't have to read anything THAT long, Rust. Wouldn't want you to strain yourself.

Heh, I usually don't.

I haven't seen that joke in a very long time.



Cheer for posting it in here, it is perhaps one of my favorites :)

I was making out with my girlfriend a couple nights ago. We were really get hot and sweaty. As i started to unbutton her blouse, she looked at me and ask, "are you a pedifile?"



I looked at her with a blank look and said, "damn that sure is a big word for a nine year old!"

LOL!